Even now
by Emmy3
Summary: Remus thinks, thinking is always a dangeous past time, set about a year after Sirius went to Azkaban.


Even now I still think of you.  
  
Disclaimer: Even now belongs to Mr. Manilow and Sirius, Remus, The marauders Azcaban + what happened when the Potters died belong to J.K and Matt and the plot belong to me  
  
A/N: this was purely a spur of the moment type thing. I heard the song a realised how perfect this would be for a Remus Sirius thing. Please review, no one ever reviews my stuff (pouts) Oh well if you've nothing else to read (and suposeing you liked this) you might perhaps read and review my other two stories. oh and single quotes equal thoughts.  
  
'That was the most dull useless dinner I've ever been to, had Sirius been ... no, I'm not going there again. I've got Matt now.'  
  
Even now when there's someone else who cares  
  
When there's someone home who's waiting just for me  
  
Even now I think about you as I'm climbin' up the stairs  
  
And I wonder what to do so he won't see that  
  
Remus began walking up the stairs. 'I can't think about HIM he killed my bestfriends. I can't stand it. Allright. Remus, stop thinking about it or Matt will notice.' Remus shook his head as if that would help him to stop thinking of Sirius.  
  
Even now when I know it wasn't right  
  
And I've found a better life than what we had  
  
Even now I wake up cryin' in the middle of the night  
  
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad  
  
'Besides, if he's capable of that then.... I. Hate. Sirius. But if I hate him so much why do I think about him like this? Why do memories of seeing him go to Azkaban hurt so much? Why do I still dream of the time we were together? and more importantly why do I wake up crying when I have a dream of you loving me and leaving me?' Remus turned into the bedroom he and Matt shared and tried to look happy.  
  
Even now when I have come so far  
  
I think of where you are, I wonder why it's still so hard without you  
  
Even now when I come shining through, I swear I think of you  
  
And how I wish you knew, even now  
  
Remus failed to look happy and Matt asked "What's wrong honey?"  
  
"nothing, nothing." Remus replied  
  
"if you say so, see you in the morning." Matt said and turned out the light.  
  
'I'm happy now, I'm an accepted member of a community, a community who knows about me and still doesn't shun me, I even have a part time job so why do I long for a time when the only good thing in my life was four people, one of whom was evil and a spy. Here, lots of people like me and Matt loves me like no one else. Except maybe you. God I wish I could talk to you, one last time; ask you why, why if you loved me did you do that to me?'  
  
Even now when I never hear your name  
  
And the world has changed so much since you've been gone  
  
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the same  
  
And this pain inside of me goes on and on, even now  
  
'No one ever talks about you any more. You're never mentioned, anywhere. Everythings changed so much since we were in love. Some things you'd love, some you wouldn't, like, you'd love the new broomsticks but hate the fact that the charm you used to get your motorbike to fly has been made illeagle by Athur Weasley. I can still remeber the day you finnished working on her, putting the finnishing touches. Sometimes I still l... never mind.' Remus got out of bed and went to the bathroom, he splashed water over his face and looked into the mirror...  
  
Even now when I have come so far  
  
I think of where you are  
  
I wonder why it's still so hard without you  
  
Even now when I come shinin' through  
  
I swear I think of you and God, I wish you knew  
  
Somehow, even now  
  
'I'm still thinking about you. Christ, will you haunt me forever Sirius? Sometimes I think of you rotting in Azkaban, all alone and I want to help you, to ease the pain if only for a while; then I remember. You didn't diserve friends like us, like the marauders. Still if we started all over but I still knew what you were to do; I'd still love you because, nothing could take away what we had. Sirius Black sometimes you're a hard man to love but you're ten times harder to hate. I can't help it; I don't know why  
  
I still love you somehow  
  
even now.  
  
Remus left the bathroom and looked at Matt's sleeping form, he deserved someone who could love him, someone who's heart wasn't in Azkaban with a certain Sirius Black. Remus put some robes in a suitcase along with a few of his other things. He turned to Matt found a peice of parchment and wrote to words on it. Then he walked reselutely out the door.  
  
The next morning Matt woke up and realised something was wrong, he turned over and instead of Remus lying next to him he saw a white peice of Parchment with two words on it in Remus' copperplate hand. He looked at them for a few moments trying to rejester what those words ment, they ment Remus had left him. Just two words,  
  
I'm Sorry  
  
~finis~  
  
ok well if you could review that would be simply wonderful. 


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